Brunch Brain

Today is Monday and for most people that means they have to get up early and head back into another week of work. For me, Mondays are when I start a new week of writing. But before I can even think about anything creative, I have to sleep in and try to recover from a weekend working at the restaurant. 


So on this particular Monday, I give you:

"Brunch Brain": A Definition

Brunch Brain | noun. Origin: Toronto c.2012

1. The feeling that your brain in spinning inside your skull for any of the following reasons:

  • a) You smiled at 800 people in two days.
  • b) The restaurant ran out of plates halfway through service, or the fridge stopped working, or a bird flew in the window and ate a customer's fries right off her plate.
  • c) One too many people asked you if they could build their own omelette, sit on the patio despite a thunderstorm, or order a venti frappuccino. 
  • d) Customers who arrive at 12:30 without a reservation insist that you can just "add another table" or "get another chair" despite persistent explanation that the restaurant is out of chairs and tables. (Also known as a "Jesus Complex", customers always make the mistake of thinking I'm some kind of miracle carpenter who can turn croissants into furniture. Believe me, if I had those kinds of powers I would be busy turning water into wine instead. Jesus was a smart man.)

2. The feeling of shock and awe when you realize that 30 people will wait in line for half-an-hour first thing in the morning on their day off for eggs. 

3. An inability to form coherent sentences or carry on a normal conversation due to PTBD: post-traumatic-brunch disorder. (A common but often ignored side-effect of brunch).

4. Unspecified anxiety due to a combination of over-caffeination, too many "mistake-mimosas", and the vague fear that the line of people out the door may start a riot. 

5. The desire to spend all of Monday in sweatpants, drinking wine, and watching romantic comedies on Netflix instead of working on your book proposal that's due in five days.

For anyone else recovering from Brunch today: I salute you!

(PS: I actually do love my job!)