According to my Twitter, there was some kind of awards show last night. People sang, people applauded, people went home with little gold gramophones. It was all very exciting, but, let’s be honest, it’s time to talk about what really matters: the dresses.
I planned to structure this post like a pretty standard “Best and Worst Dressed”, but in the cold light of day everything suddenly seemed less straightforward. The morning after has left me confused, uncertain, unwilling to relive the events of last night, and filled with a strange desire to wrap myself in tinfoil.
Let’s break it down by categories, shall we? First, we’ve got: Morticia Adams at the Prom.
There are things I like about Meghan Trainor’s dress. The boatneck is super flattering on her and the pattern of the lace on her torso makes her look super skinny. But, overall, the whole thing is just too witchy. I knew goth girls in high school who dressed in a more casual version of this, but even they have moved on to clothes that feel slightly less Halloween-y.
I could say the same about Queen B. The silhouette is flattering, but why is it so shiny? It looks like the whole thing has been dipped in varnish, and the cutouts don’t do much to create a pattern. Is it lace? Or did someone leave bits of it under an iron for too long?
This I love. I love the way the structured, geometric top contrasts with the looser pants. Yes, those are pants. Gwen Stefani has pulled off pants at an award show, and it’s amazing. And the accessorizing! Hair, nails, shoes: everything is perfect. I love this so much that it doesn’t even bother me that the nude lining makes her chest look like it belongs to a nipple-less robot.
For our next category we’ve got: I Am the Lovechild of A Space Alien.
Ariana Grande started off thinking “I’m going to wear this beautifully tailored, classic, modern-grecian number.” And then she realized: “Oh no! This is the Grammys! Someone is going to wear an animal carcass or arrive on a hovercraft!” So then she took a scrap piece of silver fabric and hot glued it to her dress. Ruining everything.
I keep changing my mind about Katy Perry’s outfit. At first I thought she looked like a chandelier with all those tassels. Then I thought, “No, these are the good kind of tassels.” Then I thought she looked like she’d shown up naked wearing nothing but tinsel. Seriously guys, what’s with all the nude linings this year? In the end I’ve decided that this dress is fun, sparkly-in-a-good-way, and totally appropriate for the Grammy’s. If this has been the Oscars I might have come to a different conclusion.
Keltie Knight. I don’t even know what to say. More silver! More nude lining! More cutouts! This dress would be amazing at a drag show where the theme song is from “The Little Mermaid”. On the plus side, the way the cut-outs are structured really highlights her awesome hourglass figure. Do we need to see the back?
Hey! Those look just like the streamers I had on my first bicycle! Cool!
I’m sort of ok with this in theory. I like the idea of contrasting a flow-y white dress with a big embellished collar. But, in reality, the point on that collar points straight down, the slit on the dress points straight up, and the result has my eyes focusing on all the wrong places in the middle.
Lady Gaga. Always my favourite space alien. The dress is beautiful and she looks beautiful. It fits her perfectly and highlights all the right places. I probably wouldn’t have thought to accessorize this dress with emerald but it looks great. Silver and Emerald for 2015!
Our next category is: I Have Zero Fucks to Give Because I Look Amazing No Matter What.
(This is my favourite category because, as someone who spent last night wearing an apron, it represents pieces that could actually inspire a real life wardrobe.)
Jennifer Hudson is glowing, and she’s even managed to incorporate the silver trend with those shoes. It’s a little casual for an awards show, but she looks amazing so who cares?!
Annie Lennox is classy and timeless. This is how you do all-black-everything. And that smile, does she know she’s about to tear down the house and explode the Twitter-sphere?
HAIM is all about composition and structure; and they’ve totally pulled off matching-without-matching. (Remember Destiny’s Child). Each of these outfits works on it’s own and they look amazing side-by-side. That creamy suit makes me want to get a real-grown-up job so I can wear stuff like that to work. The other two are doing a great job showing everyone else how to rock the cutouts without risking a wardrobe malfunction. And, again, pants! Pants on the red carpet! And I love it…
Lastly, we’ve got the miscellaneous category for the outfits I have to mention, but that don’t look a thing like anybody else's.
The structure of this dress is perfect. It’s super unique without sacrificing actual style. I don’t really like the iridescent blue colour but I’m such a fan of everything else that the colour is growing on me more and more every time I look at it. And those purple shoes were definitely the right choice.
I have to say, if you’re going to wear pop-can-rings or some other type of packaging material as an outfit, this is how you do it. If it has to be see-through, let it be so see-through that I’m amazed you’re out in public. If it has to be orange, let it be so orange that it puts a traffic cone to shame. I have no idea what’s going on here, but it gets an A+ for the sheer commitment.
To end it all, Sia’s suit is another one of my favourites. (Although the HAIM ladies and Gwen Stefani are still at the top of the pack) This is one of those outfits that you would never predict, but then you wonder where it’s been all your life. I have a serous urge to go buy some cropped Audrey Hepburn pants and pointy-toed pumps for spring. That that jacket. It’s feels like high-fashion met the menswear trend and they made the most beautiful, perfectly tailored jacket-baby that’s both timeless and unlike anything else.
So what have we learned from this year’s Grammy Red Carpet? While everyone else is wearing silver, nude linings, and black lace, I will be wearing pants, (PANTS!) with geometrically tailored tops. Because this spring, it’s all about structure and a few (well-positioned) flashes of skin.